Wow, my little precious daughter is going to be one (Jan 27th). This last year has been a wonderful, intense, stressful, joyous time for the Smiths. The days were long but the year seems entirely too short. Each stage of both Lydia's and my own development has been bitter sweet. Every time she changed diaper sizes or she outgrew clothes a little voice reminded me that she won't be this small forever. I love that she still fits on my hip and that she leans into me when she wants some loving. The best is when she lights up when Tom or I walk into the room. I know that those things will still occur after her birthday but for some reason it seems like her birthday is an exclamation point to a great sentence.
I have grown up as well this past year, both mentally and spiritually. I love being a mom and I am immensely grateful that I can stay home with Lydia. The small sweet moments make up for the stresses and struggles. Being a mom is a job that never stops, which is wonderful and terrifying at the same time. Even when I am without Lydia I am still thinking like a mom. Do we need anything from the grocery store, are we going to have enough savings for her college, was I too easy or too harsh with her last night?
My mom once told me that a good mom works herself out of a job, encouraging her little ones to grow and become independent. I agree with that 100%, I know the logic behind it and I want Lydia to be an independent and strong young woman. The problem with doing that is my heart hurts every time that independence takes hold in her life. When she sat up, crawled, weaned herself, walked, those moments are great but oh so painful at the same time. My heart cries out, my little one doesn't need me anymore.
Oh, motherhood so rewarding yet so painful!!
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